As I send the kids downstairs for some much needed "daddy time", I realize that I should have done that a few hours ago. Mom deserves a few minutes of quiet time.
Looking back at 2010 -it was a great year with a few set backs and small disappointments. I have enjoyed spending the last 6 months watching my baby grow and develop into her own little self. And watch in amazement as my big girl learn to spell and start to read on her own. I missed a lot of the little things with Aiden while I was working, and now I get to watch first hand each day how amazing my baby is! While I still am struggling with this whole stay-at-home-mom thing, I feel very lucky to be home with both girls right now.
I am trying to redifine myself, not just a mom, or a wife, but as a person. I feel lost most days, disappointed in myself that I lost my job, wondering if I am really cut out to be a full time mom of 2.... I don't know if I ever had an identity? Who was I before a wife and a mom? All I know is that I hope that I get to make a difference in myself in the new year. The 3-Day Walk for the Cure I participated in in August really gave me some inspiration and determination to do something bigger and unexpected. I am glad I had the opportunity to walk 60 miles and meet some amazing people and feel part of something bigger, even if only for a short time. I need to feel that passion and dedication towards everything I do in life.
I think going back to school was the first step in my new journey. Allowing me to stay on unemployment and stay home. Self improvement and education can never be a bad thing. Aiden and I get to do our homework together, and talk about our teachers. Of course I dont get to meet any of my class mates or my teachers in person, or have to find my gloves to play at recess, she can still relate to the learning aspect and how important school is. I have also been on a diet since May. I am not sure how productive that has been.
I know I have lost over 40 pounds and a ton of inches, and have explained to Aiden that I am only trying to get healthy, not skinny, I just don't feel succesful about it. Most days I am ready to give up and eat that peice of cheese or drink that glass of wine. Actually most days I do give into the slightest temptations- only to slow my progress, but I am not sure that pshycologically I am ready to be a new person on the inside or the outside? Only time will tell ......
I am extremely excited that Aaron got me a Nook for Christmas. I am hoping to find 15-20 minutes a day for some me time and indulge in a good book once in awhile. My weightloss counselors have been asking me forever what I do for me time. I never have an answer. I feel lucky to find 5 minutes to take a shower most days, I dont think that counts as me time? Nor does the few hours at night when everyone is asleep and I am longing for the sandman to come and visit me.
SO- here is to all the great memories of 2010 and to all the hope and joy that 2011 shall bring to you and yours!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
part......2?
It has been awhile since i last wrote anything. Life has been hectic and i am upset that i haven't been able to start training. Tomorrow i am getting up at the crack of dawn and driving down to south Denver for a Super Clinic. I am looking forward to getting fitted for walking shoes! I have a ton of random walking/running shoes, but i just can not see myself walking anymore than 1 whole mile in the ones i have now- they are cute, but not going to work for the long haul. So, hopefully i will be driving back home mid day tomorrow with new kicks, and a new attitude that is ready for some serious training! I am now 20 weeks away from the big event... which seems kind of a long time.. but just recently being pregnant for 40 weeks... i know how that time can seem to either drag on or zip by before your eyes... depending on the day.
Monday... not my best day of the week, but i am really going to try to walk a mile or 2? eat all my fruits and veggies, drink lots of water and get super healthy! oh- and drop these last 20 pounds of baby weight i haven't got around to losing yet. that will be a great side-effect of walking all those miles... at least i hope it will!
Aaron has also started to see how serious i am about this and wanted to walk with me- until i reminded him how much money he had to raise- then he said he will just help me train and make a corp donation from his office! yay! I think this will be a lot easier with him having a more positive attitude towards something i want to do.
Is it too late in the year to make a resolution? Yesterday i spent a good part of the morning cleaning my office... everything is put away, labeled, dusted and organized. I feel much more productive and focused if my environment is organized.... now to work on my house! UGH... that will never happen, but if i can make it manageable then i think that will help me get geared up to get some letters written and some fundraising started! i feel so far behind, i thought it would be easy- i email 300 people, each person gives me $15 -$20, POW! BOOM! Goal met and exceeded! Didn't quite happen that way. but i am 1/4 of the way there, in a little over a month, if i keep this pace up, i should be good to go.
Monday... not my best day of the week, but i am really going to try to walk a mile or 2? eat all my fruits and veggies, drink lots of water and get super healthy! oh- and drop these last 20 pounds of baby weight i haven't got around to losing yet. that will be a great side-effect of walking all those miles... at least i hope it will!
Aaron has also started to see how serious i am about this and wanted to walk with me- until i reminded him how much money he had to raise- then he said he will just help me train and make a corp donation from his office! yay! I think this will be a lot easier with him having a more positive attitude towards something i want to do.
Is it too late in the year to make a resolution? Yesterday i spent a good part of the morning cleaning my office... everything is put away, labeled, dusted and organized. I feel much more productive and focused if my environment is organized.... now to work on my house! UGH... that will never happen, but if i can make it manageable then i think that will help me get geared up to get some letters written and some fundraising started! i feel so far behind, i thought it would be easy- i email 300 people, each person gives me $15 -$20, POW! BOOM! Goal met and exceeded! Didn't quite happen that way. but i am 1/4 of the way there, in a little over a month, if i keep this pace up, i should be good to go.
Monday, March 8, 2010
my 3-day journey
As I started out on my quest for a greater meaning of life- beyond my wonderful husband and 2 beautiful daughters, I thought what is there for me to do to make a difference? What can I give that will truly matter to one person- or many? I was feeling unfulfilled as my life was consumed with my family. I wanted to do something for me, although now reflecting on it this really isn't all that selfish? i don't think i know how to be selfish!
what to do? what to do? I have friends that promote causes, and say they are all for their cause- but don't really do much to support their cause. maybe buy a t-shirt here and there, put a bumper sticker on, but don't actually become part of the cause. The 3-day commercial campaign begins in early January, along with a 2-day walk through our beautiful mountains. it was a toss up, well, until i checked the calendar and decided there was NO WAY i would be in shape for a June walk! plus you never know what kind of weather is in store for those mountains in June! the end of august gives me plenty of time to procrastinate and wait for warmer weather to start training.
so, i eventually signed up. i am all registered, sent out my fundraising email (after DAYS of being an importing-non-genius) , figured what a widget was and how to make taht work. and how to set the link up on my FB page i was ready to rolll... i thought? i had a rockin first day of donations! but none since, so i am a little disappointed. I had hoped my HR department would support me and help me get some company matches and i would have it in the bag. but of course i have not heard anything back and not sure the next step to take. August seems so far away, but it will be here before i know it. work will get busy, summer will take over with trips to the park for the girls and before i know it, august will be looming before me asking me if i can really walk 60 miles- and even a more daunting question, have you met your fundraising quota???
what to do? what to do? I have friends that promote causes, and say they are all for their cause- but don't really do much to support their cause. maybe buy a t-shirt here and there, put a bumper sticker on, but don't actually become part of the cause. The 3-day commercial campaign begins in early January, along with a 2-day walk through our beautiful mountains. it was a toss up, well, until i checked the calendar and decided there was NO WAY i would be in shape for a June walk! plus you never know what kind of weather is in store for those mountains in June! the end of august gives me plenty of time to procrastinate and wait for warmer weather to start training.
so, i eventually signed up. i am all registered, sent out my fundraising email (after DAYS of being an importing-non-genius) , figured what a widget was and how to make taht work. and how to set the link up on my FB page i was ready to rolll... i thought? i had a rockin first day of donations! but none since, so i am a little disappointed. I had hoped my HR department would support me and help me get some company matches and i would have it in the bag. but of course i have not heard anything back and not sure the next step to take. August seems so far away, but it will be here before i know it. work will get busy, summer will take over with trips to the park for the girls and before i know it, august will be looming before me asking me if i can really walk 60 miles- and even a more daunting question, have you met your fundraising quota???
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