new year, new beginnings

As I send the kids downstairs for some much needed "daddy time", I realize that I should have done that a few hours ago. Mom deserves a few minutes of quiet time.
Looking back at 2010 -it was a great year with a few set backs and small disappointments. I have enjoyed spending the last 6 months watching my baby grow and develop into her own little self. And watch in amazement as my big girl learn to spell and start to read on her own. I missed a lot of the little things with Aiden while I was working, and now I get to watch first hand each day how amazing my baby is! While I still am struggling with this whole stay-at-home-mom thing, I feel very lucky to be home with both girls right now.
I am trying to redifine myself, not just a mom, or a wife, but as a person. I feel lost most days, disappointed in myself that I lost my job, wondering if I am really cut out to be a full time mom of 2.... I don't know if I ever had an identity? Who was I before a wife and a mom? All I know is that I hope that I get to make a difference in myself in the new year. The 3-Day Walk for the Cure I participated in in August really gave me some inspiration and determination to do something bigger and unexpected. I am glad I had the opportunity to walk 60 miles and meet some amazing people and feel part of something bigger, even if only for a short time. I need to feel that passion and dedication towards everything I do in life.

I think going back to school was the first step in my new journey. Allowing me to stay on unemployment and stay home. Self improvement and education can never be a bad thing. Aiden and I get to do our homework together, and talk about our teachers. Of course I dont get to meet any of my class mates or my teachers in person, or have to find my gloves to play at recess, she can still relate to the learning aspect and how important school is. I have also been on a diet since May. I am not sure how productive that has been.
I know I have lost over 40 pounds and a ton of inches, and have explained to Aiden that I am only trying to get healthy, not skinny, I just don't feel succesful about it. Most days I am ready to give up and eat that peice of cheese or drink that glass of wine. Actually most days I do give into the slightest temptations- only to slow my progress, but I am not sure that pshycologically I am ready to be a new person on the inside or the outside? Only time will tell ......

I am extremely excited that Aaron got me a Nook for Christmas. I am hoping to find 15-20 minutes a day for some me time and indulge in a good book once in awhile. My weightloss counselors have been asking me forever what I do for me time. I never have an answer. I feel lucky to find 5 minutes to take a shower most days, I dont think that counts as me time? Nor does the few hours at night when everyone is asleep and I am longing for the sandman to come and visit me.

SO- here is to all the great memories of 2010 and to all the hope and joy that 2011 shall bring to you and yours!